Fish on the Highway

Note: I wrote the first four lines of this in the early 1980s. I wrote the rest in 2016. It’s pretty silly … or is it?

I met a fish on the highway
I said “Are you going my way?”
He said “I’m going your way
If you’re on your way to Norway.”

I met a snake by the lake
He said “boy, don’t you take the cake?”
I said “what cake did I take?”
He said “the one that makes your eye ache.”

I met a frog on the freeway
I said “Have you been to Green Bay?”
He said “I was there on Wednesday
“To get cheese curds and an X-ray.”

I met a horse in a meadow
I said “Of course I’ll bid you hello.”
He said “I’m glad you’re not yellow
“I can’t stand a store bought fellow.”

I met a duck in the shower
Who was both sweet and sour
He said “I am of two powers
“So you really should cower.”

I met a cow on the causeway
I said “if you broke any laws, pay.”
He said “I’ve done no wrong today
“except to watch VHS ‘stead of Blu-ray.”

I met a dog at the bus stop
Whose bark resembled a gun shot
His slobber was pure buckshot
And now the cops have his mug shot

I met an ant on the interstate
Whose breath was bad when he ate
I said “Eat a mint or I’ll kick yer face.”
He said “Lay off, bub, and I’ll capitulate.”


I met a fly just buzzing by
He said “You’re quite a scuzzy guy.”
I said “Unlike you, I may not fly
“But you find poo too fun not to try.”

I met a goat on a train
Bound for the south of Des Plaines
He said “My kid yanked my chain
“I thought I was traveling by plane.”

I met a fish on the highway
I said “I tried to go my way.”
He asked “How was it your way?”
I said “Much more than word play.”


By Paul J. Hoffman

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